i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
