Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
