chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
