No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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