He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
