And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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