Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
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The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
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The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize