If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
In America we eat man semen.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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