I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.