Texts From Last Night

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  (916): View more from California

  ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra

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  (916): ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra http://tfl.nu/wsqt
  Replies (5) Good night (2721) Bad night (560)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem

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  (704): the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem http://tfl.nu/ycgy
  Replies (10) Good night (4005) Bad night (718)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses

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  (514): She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses http://tfl.nu/tn5z
  Replies (46) Good night (5906) Bad night (1526)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.

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  (607): I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever. http://tfl.nu/15o8
  Replies (18) Good night (7541) Bad night (1398)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.

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  (859): Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine. http://tfl.nu/7uwl
  Replies (15) Good night (5006) Bad night (1487)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly

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  (443): I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly http://tfl.nu/9fzw
  Replies (11) Good night (5768) Bad night (1373)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.

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  (254): she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared. http://tfl.nu/cseo
  Replies (9) Good night (3160) Bad night (1055)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.

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  (770): At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it. http://tfl.nu/bg9a
  Replies (11) Good night (6275) Bad night (1180)
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  (845): View more from New York

  you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively

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  (845): you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively http://tfl.nu/v9v6
  Replies (1) Good night (1916) Bad night (922)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.

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  (519): I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands. http://tfl.nu/u4sr
  Replies (1) Good night (844) Bad night (472)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.

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  (817): Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one. http://tfl.nu/mit2
  Replies (3) Good night (782) Bad night (1027)
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  (415): View more from California

  Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.

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  (415): Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN. http://tfl.nu/d27u
  Replies (5) Good night (554) Bad night (1024)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.

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  (850): I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet. http://tfl.nu/wt7c
  Replies (3) Good night (678) Bad night (373)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex

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  (775): She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex http://tfl.nu/ps9c
  Replies (3) Good night (901) Bad night (221)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.

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  (814): I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible. http://tfl.nu/cmea
  Replies (1) Good night (539) Bad night (255)

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