need another drink. this is the easiest way
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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