i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
