Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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