Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just forgot I was standing up.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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