i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
