He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
