You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
