We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
