Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
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