you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she smelled like a LAN party
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
