Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
