I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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