Porn is love you can see.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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