if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
