so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
