Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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