so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
