Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
