You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
