You just made me feel so damn special
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
