it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
