Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
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I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
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Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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