I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
