She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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