You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i need some magic done to my vagina
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
