what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
