just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
