I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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