dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
