I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
