tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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