Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
