maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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