Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
