Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
