Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
