i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
