he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
