Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
3pm strippers are depressing
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize