If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
