This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
