Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
