i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?