You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.