I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
