the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
