the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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