I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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