wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
