I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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