Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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