I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
