I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
