you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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