I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
