i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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