I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
