Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
