and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
