how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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