gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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