Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
