I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
