Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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