Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
a search helicopter?!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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