I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
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Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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